In the course of my work, I meet many different types of people and engage with a veritable rainbow of sexualities and preferences, which thrills me to pieces. And, I am noticing that more and more often, I am asked for sessions that are primarily educational in nature.
For people who have limited (or sometimes zero) sexual experience, or for people who are not confident in a particular area of sex, these sessions can be transformative. It can be extremely daunting to say to the woman you are dating, “Oh by the way, I have never kissed anyone. Can you teach me?” or “I am about to go down on you and I’m terrified because I have no idea what to do, so I’m just going to kind of nosh away and hope you don’t hit me.” In a booking with the right person, it can be far less intimidating, and you can use the time as you wish. It’s a safe place to explore things you might feel nervous about, with a professional who has lots of experience and who is not going to judge you.
If you think about it, there is no formal training for sex. You’re just expected to work it out. Take kissing, for example. Maybe you practiced on your hand when you were twelve, after gazing at the television in morbid fascination at adults frenching each other, and wondering what on earth this whole “pashing” thing was about and whether, when the time came for you to kiss someone, you would like it, or you would vomit. Maybe, in high school, you talked about it with your friends – most of whom, in my experience, significantly overemphasized their experience and skill at the task. Maybe you wondered what on earth it was all about. But nobody actually ever tells you.
When I finally kissed a boy, I was sixteen, and I was hopeless. It felt rather like I was flying by the seat of my pants, totally winging it and only just holding on, and it wasn’t enjoyable. I couldn’t understand what you were supposed to do with your lips whilst the other person was shoving their tongue in your mouth, and how you should coordinate your breathing in amongst this. One of the hurdles may have been that the boy I was kissing was also hopeless, and two inept people with no idea of technique trying to make it all come together in some sensual, ideal fashion was never going to work anyway. But over the years, all I had to go on was practice, and hope. Like most of us.
Many people learnt to kiss this way, and they are great kissers, and many had the same experience and, well, have room for improvement. But nobody ever tells you if you’re a bad kisser. I have a girlfriend who has an ex boyfriend we affectionately refer to as “Bad Kisser Boy”. I can’t remember his actual name. But the relationship ended because of the kissing. It ended after a lengthy period of her trying desperately to avoid sex with him so she didn't have to suffer through the awful kissing. It's just heartbreaking to think of people out there whose partners are doing the same thing.
So, it’s really exciting for me when people want to come and learn, ask questions, and practice. I enjoy it so much, and I feel so privileged that someone trusts me enough, and feels safe enough with me, to go on this journey with them. It’s beautiful and extremely satisfying.
Bookings like this can include:
Learning about different kissing techniques, ways to use your lips and tongue
Foreplay – what it is and how to use your body (mouth, hands, touching, pressure variations, etc.) and how to listen to your partner
What to say during sex – communication, how to ask for what you want
Listening – how to ask someone else what they want, how to read their responses
Oral sex – what’s actually down there and ways to approach your partner, to get this started and build up
Using hands and fingers
Sex! – positions, how to give pleasure to your partner
Putting the focus on you – finding out what you like, special places you never knew you had, how you like to be touched
Trying something different that you’ve always wanted to try, in a safe space where you can stop or change it up whenever you need to
Building confidence and feeling safe around sex
Safer sex practices
And, this is not an exhaustive list!
Any of the above things can be very intimidating for anyone. We all have insecurities when it comes to sex and being naked (both physically and figuratively) in front of another. So, any question you have, you can ask. If I am not the right person or I can’t provide the service you may be looking for, I will let you know – but I probably will not be shocked, and you need not be embarrassed.
I think it’s something very attractive, sexy and strong when someone wants to improve themselves and doesn’t allow their ego – or, if they are a man, society’s definition of “masculinity” – to prevent them from doing so. Being a brilliant lover is something to aspire to, and it is something that you learn. The more open you are to learning, the more wonderful a lover you will be, and lovemaking can be a richer, more luscious, more satisfying experience.