Q: I just want an erotic massage/I just have a foot fetish/I'd just like to give you oral pleasure/I don't want sex. What is the rate? Yes, I've seen your rates on your website, but what is the rate for what I want? I don't want sex, I want a "non sexual booking". Because, no sex. How much will you discount your rate by?
A: My rate is as it is listed on my website and all my ads. Penetrative sex, or no penetrative sex.
This is not a question I get asked too regularly, but it's something I wanted to address anyway, something I wanted to explain.
The way sex workers structure their rates varies depending on the sex worker. Everyone runs their business in their preferred way. This means the services they offer differ, they may charge for extras or include them in their singular rate, they may offer different services at different rates.
The key to getting the service you want is to select a sex worker who offers that service. Similarly, the key to seeing a sex worker who charges a rate that suits your budget, is to choose someone who offers what you're looking for at the rate you're wanting to pay.
The best way to do this is to look on the website (usually the most reliable source of information) and/or advertisements of the worker you find foxy, and read their services and rates. Easy!
If you want a sex worker who offers massage (or another service) at a lower rate than they offer full service, find that on their adverts.
If you want a discount, don't ask.
It's insulting, rude and 100% unwelcome.
Let me explain. First of all, let's use Reuben as an example. (He's made an appearance in an earlier blog, he's great for examples.) Let's say Reuben, who is employed at the local taxidermy store, arrives at work one sunny Monday morning, to greet his boss. His boss says to Reuben, "Hey, Rubes, just letting you know that I'll be paying you half your hourly rate today. Oh, and don't forget Mrs Rothschild's Pomeranian - she's picking him up tomorrow."
What do you think is going through Reuben's mind?
Something like, "WTF? This guy expects me to work for HALF MY HOURLY PAY?? What the hell? I still have to do my job while I'm here, I don't understand. And how am I going to pay my bills?? This is really upsetting. Maybe he thinks I'm not worth my rate... That hurts. I don't know about this. I think my boss is a jerk. I might go and work somewhere else."
Imagine if this scenario starred you, instead of Reuben. I bet you would be pretty shirty as well, and you'd sure prefer to work for someone who offered you a fair rate.
Sex work is work. It is legitimate work. Framing sex work in that context can help you to understand that sex workers are entitled to the same labour rights as anyone else.
What about the "I don't want sex" argument? Well, the issue here is that there's a bit of confusion about what sex work actually is.
As mentioned earlier, some sex workers like to have a range of rates available applicable to a variety of services. This is perfectly fine and suits them and their clients. Others have one base rate and may, or may not, charge for a handful of extras. I am in the latter group. All these services define sex work. I couldn't count the number of things that make up sex work, partially because there are so many, and partially because some of them are too intangible to pin down. If you remove one of those components, it doesn't reduce the value of what I'm offering. Especially considering I'm happy to offer said component, as far as I'm concerned it's on the table - but I'm not going to force it on you, of course.
I don't offer massage as a separate service. (I barely offer massage on the bed during a booking because it causes my back a lot of problems! Sorry, lovers.) I have one rate, and that covers my time (a precious commodity that is a gift to receive, no matter who is giving it). How you wish to spend that time is up for discussion, but the rate is not.
You are booking me for me, for my time, for my service - for an experience with me, the two of us, as people. Whether we have penetrative sex during the appointment or not is irrelevant. Your penis going into my vagina is but an element of that experience, but that small detail being removed from the appointment doesn't mean that we can slash $200 off the rate.
What I offer is a unique and personal experience of sensuality, of acceptance, of deep passion, a chance to forget the pressure in life and to spend some time just being able to be yourself, focusing on you, on your desires and your pleasure. I offer myself. My body, my mind and my heart. I give these things to you when we spend time together, no matter what we do, and all these things are non-negotiable. xx