Q&A with Lara, Part 5

August 10, 2015

 

Q: Why won't you follow me on Twitter? I want to DM you. 

A:
This is awkward. Mainly, time. Partially, energy.

First, I already follow over one thousand accounts on Twitter. I already miss heaps of good stuff because there are so many people on my feed (that's right, I enjoy Twitter and love checking out my feed). 

Second, what do you tweet? If your entire timeline is tweets about NRL, or trucks, or pictures of your cock (don't even get me started on that), or GIFs of sex and going down on women, or endless tweets to a zillion ladies saying "hey babe u r hot" or "follow me" "follow me" "follow me" (yes, that does happen...) chances are it's not going to be my style. I like to follow accounts that I find interesting. It's nothing personal, and I am by no means putting down your choice of how you use your own account, but people are different - and, I choose how I use my account, just the same. I am just not into commentary on the Parramatta Eels. It's just different tastes.

Third, and this is the most important part... why do you want to DM me? 

If you want to make a booking, you can utilise one of the many forms of communication that I am available through. I am so contactable it's ridiculous. Well, it certainly feels ridiculous from my perspective because the channels are pretty busy. I have a contact form here on my website, which makes it super easy to make an appointment. Just click on "contact". I have an email address, and there is a link available on this site as well. I have a phone number, which you can utilise to call me, or to text, if you prefer. I do not take bookings via Twitter. If you'd like to book with me, I will ask you to call me whichever medium you choose, so that we can confirm the booking, and we will often have a bit of a chat then. Before we really get to know each other, in the flesh ;)

Don't want to make a booking? Maybe you'd like to let me know about something you've seen that I might like? Or you want to post a blog entry on another site? Or you want to ask me a specific question? Or similar? That's great, a little chat here and there is welcome - if I don't already follow you, that's ok, because you are most welcome to use one of the contact methods I mentioned above. If you'd like to tell me I have "great tits" or ask to see me naked or talk about what you'd like to do to me in bed, I would prefer you to save that for an appointment, where you can see me nudalicious and do all those things you want to do. That's where it's appropriate.

None of those things? Then, you most likely want to chat.

Hmmm. I imagine that if I don't follow you, it's unlikely that I have met you before. So, I'm curious as to why you want to chat to me, especially when you can already do so on Twitter as it is. Chatting on Twitter is great fun for me, that's mainly why I do it. In saying that, I am a sex worker. To put it bluntly, I get paid to chat. It's part of my job. As is marketing, advertising, and maintaining a social media presence. Being expected to chat to strangers who also do not plan on making a booking while I do that is a little annoying, especially when there are a whole lot of people who want attention. Some chat is fine, and enjoyable, but you must realise that sex workers, like anyone, are entitled to chat to whom they wish to, when they are comfortable doing so.

Many people who have not done sex work are unaware of this, but when you are a sex worker, particularly an independent one, you spend an inordinate amount of time working for no pay. The paid hours we spend with clients are but a part of our work. The rest of the time we work on all kinds of aspects of our business and we don't get remunerated for it, and even more, the time we spend is not acknowledged because it's often invisible from the outside. Again, this is not personal. It's not that I don't want to talk to you. It's just that chatting to strangers for free is not part of that work. It's not part of our job at all. And like anyone, we have the right to decline engagement with anyone should we choose to. When people expect our attention, it's really unfair, and creates an awkward situation where we have to point this out. Even when our paying clients expect too much chat outside of bookings, it's disrespectful. Expectation is the trouble here.

Like I said earlier - it's not that all chat is unwelcome (for me, anyway - it is unwelcome for some sex workers), because chatting can be fun, interesting, and enjoyable for me too. It just needs to be done respectfully. Not expecting, not feeling entitled. Thus, not sending demanding messages when you haven't got a reply (you're not owed a reply). Not being passive aggressive about it. Thus, not saying things like, "Sorry to be annoying, but..." - if you know you've crossed the line into being annoying, don't be to start with! Not talking to someone like they are a sexual object (I've noticed it tends to be random chatters who do this, rather than actual clients). And, being careful about the frequency of your chatting. Remember, you can contact any sex worker if you have a question or need to discuss any part of their service, and you can contact me through a variety of methods, and if you use the worker's preferred method/s you are a step ahead of the game. It's so wonderful when my clients use the procedures that I use to run my business - it makes me feel relaxed and minimises my stress levels. 

Again - it's not a personal thing. It's not about you. It's about me. It's about the fact that I've spent several hours working on one or all of my jobs, that it's the end of my day, that I've just finished answering lots of emails. It's about the fact that I'm chilling out on my night off, and I'm not in the mood to reply to more messages from people. It's because I'm directing my energy into booking enquiries and things that will put food on my table and pay my rent, and save a little bit for chatting to my family and my friends. It's because it's not just you - there are many other people who want to chat to me, who want to chat about my breasts, or my vagina, or things they'd like to do to me, that are not welcome whether I am a sex worker or not. It's about the fact that I'm just trying to get along in my day, just like anyone else. 

Just remember, IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU!


Q: I had a booking with a lady recently. I arrived, and then asked her for role play/anal/a golden shower/a particular outfit. She said no. Why?
 

 A: This is a bugbear for many sex workers. There are a variety of reasons - mostly, preparation, and partially, disappointment.

The disappointment part is on your end. If you turn up to an appointment with a sex worker, and blindside them with a request for a service they either don't offer, or can't offer because they've not been able to prepare, you are going to end up disappointed. You are our focus! You are the one we are here to look after, to pamper - this is a significant part of the meaning we find in our work. To know that you're not having the best time possible is a let down for both of us.

Now to the preparation aspect of this question. 

Sometimes, clients ask to see us "now". This could be at lunchtime on a Tuesday, 4pm on a Friday afternoon, or 11.15pm Monday. Who knows which worker is available at any of those times. It takes time for us to prepare for work and we aren't usually just hanging at our incall waiting for the phone to ring. So, we mostly need a little bit of time to get ourselves organised and presentable for an appointment.

When it comes to more specific requests though, it's important to ask your sex worker if they can accommodate you. I may be "ready for work", but that doesn't mean I'm ready for a whole lot of other things. 

First, check if the worker offers what you would like. Someone turning up to an appointment with me and asking for anal is going to be let down - I don't offer anal sex in my service.

But, even if I did, I might like to make sure it's a good time for me. Preparation is important for a lot of things. I might like to, well, physically prepare my body to make sure it's ready (different people do different things). This means I can relax, I can enjoy myself, and also, you can enjoy yourself. Similarly, golden showers require preparation like drinking water or not emptying one's bladder before the booking - a person can't just rustle up a bladder full of the key element of golden showers at will.

If you want a particular outfit, you need to ask in advance too. I may not be in ownership of every single costume or clothing combination under the sun. (I don't even own a nurse's outfit.) I certainly don't have everything I own with me at all times. Sometimes when I'm in Sydney for my incalls a client will ask, minutes before he is due to arrive (or sometimes, even upon arrival), if I can please whack on a corset and suspenders and stockings and a certain type of high heels. This is all well and good but I may or may not have the corset with me, and even if I do I probably don't have time to put it on. It actually takes a little while to get certain things on. A corset can take twenty minutes, on its own. For this reason, many workers won't wear these more elaborate types of items for shorter bookings, and reserve them for bookings of a certain duration and above. Other requested things may or may not be clean or off the line, might need ironing, I could go on. You get the idea. 

When it comes to role play, there's not only things like props and outfits to consider, but also mental preparation. Not everyone feels like a natural with all role plays, some role play scenarios are more complicated than others, some are more out of our comfort zone than others. Even when we do feel right across a scenario, we still may want some preparation time in order to get the scene right for you. It's kind of like doing a presentation at work. It's part of your job, the material is usually something you know and feel comfortable with, and it's basically just talking to people which you do on an every day basis - but you still need to prepare for it.

If you read my blogs you should know I'm a champion for everyone having the best time possible, including you! And to that end, if you give your provider some preparation time before your appointment, you will have the most enjoyable time you can.

Lara xxx

 

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